THE BIGGEST CATFISH

I remember it so well when Frank and my Dad dragged the huge catfish up the path. It was so big it looked like it wasn't real. It had big long whiskers. and beady little eyes. I was little so it looked like a huge shark or something to me. It was still breathing and wasn't dead yet..There was a big spring that was fed by the mountain rains..the water was very cold and was deep enough and big enough for this fish to be put into until they got ready to skin it. In a way, I felt sorry for the huge fish, but on the other hand, I was so excited to see what would happen to it..when they started to clean it. This fish was the biggest fish I ever saw!!...Frank had to hit it over the head with a huge sledge hammer, and it never moved..finally after many tries to knock it out..they had to take a spike and pound it through the cat fish's head..then they cut the skin around the head and began to peel it off with pliers and a knife..I was wondering...why would they go through such work just to get this catfish's skin off...but after along time and a lot of work finally the skin was off and the slices of cat fish were sliced away..the salt was poured over the head and I knew we would soon see the head of that catfish nailed onto the outside of the out house...and we did!! Not only did we see it there, we had it for dinner. Mae breaded it and fried it...everyone ate it and loved it...POOR FISH!!

FISHING WITH HELGRAMITES..

I don't know how many summers we spent going up to Kennerdall. Two, three maybe four but each time there was excitement of some kind...My mother and Mae used to go out in the aluminum boat and fish. They had their fishing licenses on their hats and loaded with bate and poles...One time I specifically remember they returned with nearly 30 suckers..They had little pink mouths that stuck out..they were on stringers and when they returned they were still alive and breathing...It seemed to be a big joke that all they returned with was a stringer of sucker fish. I remember, Frank  used to go out late at night with a lantern to capture helgramites....they were ugly flying bugs apparently the fish loved them. This made Frank a successful fisherman and he never went out at night in the boat without coming home hours later with  many fish from the wee hours of the quiet morning. When my Dad cleaned his fish, I always wanted to see inside the fish and check out his guts...I should have been a doctor...sometimes he would cut things out of the fish..open it and explain what parts he would put in my hand...I especially remember the fish's heart. I asked him if I could have that heart...He laughed and cut it out and handed it to me on my hand...I also remember watching it beat...right there..it throbbed in the palm of my hand...I held it until the movement stopped. I felt so sad!!..I knew that we would eat the fish, but for the heart to be beating in my hand, made me feel death. I felt the actual death of that fish!! It is hard to explain...but I think compassion dripped into me drop by drop for the first time!!....

THE DAY OF THE TENTWORMS

The thing I remember most was when I collected a paper bag full of tent worms..I thought they were so beautiful and wore so many beautiful colors on their backs....I spent all day collecting them and putting them in the bag to take home...I have no clue why!! But, I remember packing to go home and my father saying, they better not get out...with a laugh as we drove away...I laid the bag down behind my fathers seat as we started home. Soon, I fell asleep. The bouncing of the van opened the bag one bump at a time. The tent worms..crawled out. All over the van and of course up the back of my fathers seat in the car...Suddenly, I heard him yelling and I woke up!! The tent worms escaped and entered the back of my fathers neck and his shirt...Not to mention, I was the victim of a huge scolding...and a possible spanking..That I don't remember...I remember only twice, did my father actually spank me ..but the spanking I remember most, happened long after this episode!! Needless to say, my family wasn't in a very good mood trying not to kneel or step on the worms...If you did the squish exuded a bright green goo....Needless to say...IT WAS A LONG TRIP HOME!!

MY FIRST FUNERAL

When we used to spend the weekends in Kennerdall at Mae and Franks cottage. Everyone looked forward to Friday. We didn't have any pets at that time and for some reason I received an Easter baby duck. It was a little yellow fuzzy duckling and I named him Quack Quack. I really don't remember where he came from or why I had him, I just remember the day he died!!...We were in the trailer park and getting ready to leave to head up to Mae and Franks. When a neighborhood dog, came and attacked poor little Quack, Quack....He shook him, I screamed and the duck was in peril, the dog dropped him and ran. My mother doubted he would live. I picked him up and we put him in a box. We took him with us that weekend. Quack Quack died. I cried. The drive seemed long, I remember and I spent most of it looking at the duck. Wondering how you could be alive one minute and the next minute you were dead...What amazed me is he could be up and running and enjoying life and then because of one grab and a few shakes he lay silent and dead!!...It was so sad, He didn't do anything to that dog. He was just a wonderful duck. I could kiss his head and he liked it....His feathers were so soft and he was old enough to have white, soft feathers ....He was full grown by a few months and now he lay dead!!...When we got up to Mae and Franks I ran and told Mae, we all agreed we would have a funeral for him. They were so kind to know of my sadness...Everyone laughed but it was heart breaking for me...This was my first experience with death...Frank dug a small hole, right along the path that went down to the river...I could even today, take you to the exact spot where Quack Quack lay...We lined the hole with big green leaves and flowers....We slowly and with much love laid Quack Quack in the hole and we covered him with leaves and flowers....finally after saying goodbye. We covered him up with the dirt that laid on the side of the hole...I watched while the dirt fell over him and went to the bottom of the hole and fell onto the leaves...Finally one shovel at a time. We no longer could see him. The dirt covered him completely...I felt such a feeling of loss and despair...I lost a very good friend...My pet duck!! My Quack Quack...We took a few branches and shaped them into a cross and wound dandelion stems in and out of the wood where the cross met. Gracefully we posed it into the soft dirt at the head of the grave...It was done. My Quack Quack was gone, his life was finished and I was without his love...and he was without mine...I spend much of that weekend watching that grave...Every time I walked by, I said a little "Goodbye Quack Quack"....My first loss of a loved one...I remember so strongly every detail...Things that happen to us during our life are a precursor to prepare us for times we may have to experience..Times that help us get through bigger and stronger feelings of loss...How good God is to let us feel emotions and prepare us for what we might need before the day we need it!

DRIVE TO THE MAE AND FRANK'S COTTAGE...

Our drive to Kennerdall was a regular weekend event...Our summers were consumed with packing clothes, food, and games stuffed into my fathers old red van...with Curry Radio and Television..painted on the sides. We would leave on Friday night. It took an few hours. After the clock with the ears...(half way)...we took winding roads that soon led us to a crossroads..and an old general store...called May's...up about 5 steps and into a creaky wooden floor. We walked around and tried to beg stuff out of our folks for the weekends...Sometimes without much success...After we went into the store..the road led down and wound around the tall hills lines with fir trees and mountain laurel...It just smelled like fresh, cool, moist air. We drove down until the road seemed to end. But actually the road just ran right through the creek...through a large concrete tunnel. The tunnel supported the railroad tracks that ran to Erie...through the tunnel the mountain crystal clear water ran wildly through the tunnel...The water was rushing from the mountain to the Allegheny River in Kennerdall.Driving through the tunnel, the van rocked and swayed...slowly we drove right through the water and came out on the other side...The road lifted right out of the water and slowly turned from mud to dry dirt. We followed that road for about a mile. Past cottages, trees, and wild animals crossing in front of us...Owls sat in the trees looking down at us...We finally saw the post with the red reflector on it and knew we were finally there...Piling out, stiff and needing a good run...we were greeted with a smile and a warm Hello. Mae and Frank had no small children. Frank had a daughter to his first wife that died...She was grown. He married Mae and they had none. So, I think we made their weekend less than a quiet boring weekend. We came full of noise, laughter, and as much confusion as we could muster....The cottage had a little porch, with a screen door that banged when you let it go. Inside one big room with a cooking stove, sink, table and chairs. With some faded red curtains on wires...the curtains were pulled open but shut when the kids went to bed....The adults stayed up and played cards or just sat and talked...The beds were bunk beds three high. Both sides were double mattresses...so the cottage actually slept 12 people. Frank built them and the top bunk you couldn't even sit up without hitting the ceiling..but it was fun...a ladder leaned on the side to crawl up and down...In the morning, the mist laid over the river and up on the tree filled mountain. Huge bolder like rocks lined the river bank on the other side....nothing but bushes, trees, and rocks...We could watch the deep come down to drink out of the river. There was a spring of ice cold water coming off the mountain sides. We washed our faces in a metal basin...and a pitcher of ice water and red soap....Lifebuoy!! After getting washed and dressed. Everything was damp and the mist covered everything outside..Brushing teeth and spitting out side was just fun!!! Then Mae made breakfast. The smells of the sausage..and bacon, eggs, and pancakes...all wonderful memories...of our weekend days in the mountains..On Sunday afternoon, everyone cleaned up, got dressed and off we went home. Stopping always at the Dairy Queen south of Butler on Route 8...Sometimes things that take you away from the norm of life are memories to last for a lifetime....

THE BEGINNING OF WEEKENDS IN KENNERDALE

Memories are a wonderful tool. We shouldn't dwell on them, but it seems to help form us into the person we are!..I think the Buddhists believe we come into this world as a clean slate...whatever person we turn into it is our fingerprint. How we are raised, our circumstance, and things that come to us through the years....I personally believe, when we appear out of our mothers womb..Our personality is truly branded upon us. We are the person we are and will be. I also believe many things will form and knead you into the person you are...But, I also believe we are led by a loving God, the one who did make us...good or bad, healthy or sick, alive or dead...It is all in the entire plan...I know things that happened to me, I am sure, helped form me into the person I am. But with all that stripped aside, I still am the person God made me!! In his image..looking at the BIG picture!! During the time we lived in the trailer park. We met a a lady with our same last name, Curry. Her name was Mae...When my sister Jetta, was born, my mother had diaper service. Now for those of you who have never heard of it...A truck used to come to the door. There was a little diaper pail, with a smelly good thing, in this diaper pail, after having the diapers rinsed out in clear water...they were picked up by the delivery man. These dirty ones were replaced with new, fresh, clean, white cloth diapers...I realize many of you have no clue that anyone did this. They used to wash, bleach, rinse and hang them out in the sun...line after line after line...I myself was privileged to do this for many years..(six kids later)...Pampers were just invented in the late sixties...and they were very expensive...you used them only to go out!! There were many days, I would run out of diapers visiting my mothers house and she would pin a kitchen towel on the baby. Well back to new friends. The diaper man went to the wrong Curry's. He visited Mae's house...She informed him she did not have any children, let alone a baby...This led her to believe another family in the park had her same last name...Frank, her husband, and Mae became our closest friends. They had a camp in Kennerdale. North of Pittsbrugh along the Allegheny River. It took what seemed a very long time to get there..When we got to Butler, I would remark, "Look, we are half way there, there is the clock with the ears". That clock still stands!! We went to their camp every weekend!! A trip away from the trailer park...A trip to the country was a wonderful treat..and full of so many memories...The door opened for us, to learn new things and be apart of God's wonderful back woods existence. Some thing we knew nothing about!! But, are going to learn!!!

STORIES OF CURIOSITY...OVER THE TOP..

The real strange thing about curiosity is it can be good or bad!! It can be beneficial or very harmful!!..I recall many of my curious times...when I was little. One time in particular was when, we were still living in the trailer park, I put a snake under a car tire and when the car went over the snake it smashed it and there were about 1,000 babies in the snake. It was amazing to see all those little snakes that just came squishing out of her..We had no clue that the snake was with baby snakes nor did we anticipate the way we would feel when we saw her squished. I must admit, it was an amazing experience...See the snake dead, squished and also seeing all these babies dead that came out of her..It made me feel so sad, even though we picked through them and spent time investigating the slaughter, it stuck in my mind and it always makes me feel sad when I think of it....Another times we got together and captured wasps and bees in jars with other insects like lightning bugs, praying mantis's, and other beetles. Waiting and watching to see, after a battle of the bugs, who would still be alive. Which bugs would survive and win the battles...these were all curious things we felt important..Other things, I am not proud of doing, is ripping the lights out of those poor little lightning bugs and wearing them as rings and taking the lights and smearing them on us while we glowed in the dark....I think all kids have a bit of sadist in them...and it all falls under the heading of curiosity... It also takes on the physical. I was about six years old and behind the wash house there were wire clothes lines strung from concrete poles. There must have been about 20 of them or more...these lines looked like tight rope lines...tempting me to walk them...so I shinned up the concrete pole and walked the wires...I was very active and had a remarkable sense of balance as well as rhythm...I attribute that to my dancing lessons, tumbling, ballet etc. So I saw no problem to attempt to walk on the wire...they were pretty thick and seemed stable enough to walk across, so I did. One day while tightrope walking my mother came looking for me and found me walking the wire...She always told the story of how she held her breathe and didn't dare yell at me....fearing I would lose my balance and come tumbling down while splitting myself into...But, that never even entered my mind. Looking back now, I can't believe I was as brave and fearless as I was...I still am fearless...and do many things that other people would not even think of doing...and I have no problem attempting or doing it!!! I just think I can do anything.....if I try and fail, I try again...I am one of those people, I guess, when the door closes....I don't think of shrinking to the corner and forget about it...Instead of looking for a window to crawl out ....I just knock the door down and go through without hesitation!!! I know this is a God given talent for I didn't know what God had in mind for my life...I needed to be ready to accept things that were going to be presented to me...in the future...Little did I know, what God had in store!!! But He and He alone could prepare me what I was going to have to face!! I thank Him for preparing me...and giving me the tools to survive!!

COMFORT CAN COME THROUGH A LADYBUG...

Living in a trailer with no bathroom...posed quite a problem...Trailers back in the fifties had NO bathrooms and any place you lived you had to go to the 'WASH HOUSE"...!! A large cement block building with a couple of doors. One of the doors led into the room that had washers and stationary tubs for bathing large things...I think there were a few dryers...but I don't remember. People usually hung their clothes outside on the lines that ran beside the wash house until they were dry. In the other room was a line of toilets maybe 7 or 8 with wooden doors and locks. The adjoining room had shower stalls...with plastic curtains covering the openings for privacy...all surrounded by block. A light and a drain. There were maybe 5 of them...People had to leave their trailers and travel to the wash house for doing any kind of washing activities. Including bedside pottys used during the night..Every morning all the ladies headed toward the wash house to dump the contents of the little white porclein potty with lid and handle. The metal wire had a wooden handle with imprints to carry. This was a morning ritual...One day I was sick and couldn't go to school...My mother had to make her daily run to the wash house and do what ever she did there..She left me at the house sick. She didn't want to take me outside. So she explained I was not to leave the house, she would be back in a little while...As the door shut, the loneliness set in...The feeling of complete and utter abandonment flooded through my soul...I became very fearful. The sound of silence surrounded me and I became scared. For the reason of being alone and scared, I began to cry. I wanted my mother to come back..I felt so alone, so afraid. I just wanted her to come back...I knew she would soon, but I wanted her now!!!...I sat at the window waiting and waiting for her...I cried until I was sobbing!! I felt so alone!!...All of a sudden I saw one little lady bug on the window..I remembered the verse my mother taught me about the lady bug... Fly away home, and in between the sobs of sorrow..I talked to the lady bug...I told her I was all alone. I told her we were all alone...and I cried and talked to that lady bug for along time..She actually kept me company for what seemed to be hours...When my mother returned, I saw her coming, I ran to her thankful she returned..But, I never forgot how that one little ladybug kept me company. The joy of having someone help me forget my fear and loneliness. That is the way a friend can be.. Someone who comes into your life and just is there to be with you!!...Somehow, the fear, the loneliness leaves you, replaced with the feeling of comfort...Look around you and you will see there are many people you know, people all around you that you can be that "ladybug" for!!! I am so thankful, God saw to it to comfort me by letting me find a friend. A friend in one of the creatures he made...a common little lady bug!!

COUNTING MY LOSSES...

I really have experienced so many losses and disappointments in my life..I choose not to have or accept anymore...The losses I lived through, have round off my corners and taught me to roll...even up hill now!! Because of the things I have experienced in my life, they have taught me not to expect much of anything. That way when something good happens I can celebrate it and appreciate it so much more than if I expect something and then it doesn't happen...I then have set myself up for the disappointment. My joy comes when God allows it and gives it...I accept it, appreciate it, am thankful for it...and receive it!! I count it all as joy, when it comes!!...This always keep a smile instead of a frown of disappointment. Most people expect certain things from others. We try to control the way people act, or don't act....A control issue is probably the first thing a person needs to pray to get rid of...It brings nothing but unexpected disappointment from people, places and all things!!!..No doubt this is the reason I remember many things...I probably expected them a certain way and they played out a way I didn't expect or desire. Thus, it brought lots of disappointment. That now is over, in the past!! I remember the time, when I was about six years old or so. My parents were talking about taking a train to Lancaster. They shared with all of us, their plans to do so...We were going to visit some relatives and while they talked my hopes became very high...I had never been on a train. I instantly started to pack and tried on my favorite dress to wear. I had my mother put my hair up in pin curls. We were going to leave in the morning...I was ready!!! I was expecting big things, a train trip to Lancaster. A trip, I had never been on a trip...not one like this...I let my imagination run with me!! My passion exploded inside my heart!!...Excited we all went to bed early. We were going to leave the next day...In the morning, for some reason, I woke up and found everyone still sleeping. I got up, got dressed in my favorite striped, dark blue and white taffeta dress. It had a little paper rose at the waist...and a frilly little underskirt!!...All dressed and packed I woke my Mom and Dad up...and announced I was ready to go...My mother informed me..."We decided not to go"...WHAT!!! NOT GO!!! Who decided this...I was so angry I just went ballistic...Screaming and yelling, I had a complete melt down and stamped and screamed with a temper bigger than sky!! I informed them I was going by myself then..(of course I couldn't) but my disappointment was so great it turned into rage...A terrible rage. An uncontrollable fit of temper brought on by being let down!!!...I don't remember exactly what happened but no doubt I got my fanny warmed and I probably went back to bed and cried my self to sleep!!!...I remember what that felt like. I remember how damaging it is to try to make things happen. I have learned after so many years, I am in control of nothing. Nothing in my life, other than my choices ...With prayer and my depending on what and where God takes me...I trust my choices are his...So now, I don't expect..I just accept!! ...and that always brings a comfort to know, I AM NOT THE ONE IN CONTROL!!! HE IS!! and I am now never disappointed!!!....I learned to trust and obey!!

MAJOR EFFECTS OF BANKRUPTCY

Times were good, my father feeling accomplished owning three radio and television stores. The first on in Dormont, on West Liberty Ave. The second was in Mt. Lebanon, and the third was in what they called "Little" Washington, back then...He hired people to manage the stores and my Aunt Diddie worked with my father doing the office work in the main store in Dormont...The building still remains there, when I pass by floods of wonderful memories of my childhood fill my mind. Dormont Appliance is there now, but basically it still looks the same...There was an Isley's Ice Cream store, we bought those "skyscraper cones" then. There was a Woolworths 5 and 10 cent store. And of course the movie house that now has been closed for some time....Those are the places we frequented; my friend Evie and I. We owned Saturday, we roamed and spend the day walking up and down, busily visiting people in the stores and shopping with the few coins we had...During this time in my life, my mother bought me my first birthstone ring...being in January, it is a garnet!!. It was 14K gold and had a beautiful garnet stone in it!! I loved it, and wore it everywhere until one day, I bit it flat. What once was a round perfect circle, now was a flat golden stick with a red stone on top...When my mother saw this she flipped out!! She was so mad at me..I have no idea why I had it in my mouth or why I destroyed the only valuable thing I ever owned. I do know, she took it and I never saw my ring again!!...Strangely, I have always had an oral fixation and put everything in my mouth...People have these fixation of different degrees...some kind of brain thing..Who knows, but I know I always had my fingers in my mouth..Since I can remember I bit my fingernails. It has been a part of me for all of my life. With all this we were secure, started to have nice things and life was sweet...and then the house of cards suddenly fell. My father found out his partners were fixing TV's for their friends, stealing and lining their pocket with the funds they got when they repaired TV's... Poor management forced the IRS to come down on him and eventually his businesses failed, closed and went belly up...He declared bankruptcy...and we now had nothing. We were broke...My parents never let us know this, until we were grown. We never knew anything financial good or bad...We were spared any kind of financial situations all through our lives...They NEVER shared with us financial, not did they share the doom that lay before us. We just went along with what they told us and we followed!!! Our lives were about to change drastically. We were in this together...good or bad we had each other and we would find ourselves go down together...

HALLOWEEN SCARES

With Halloween around the corner I am reminded of a memorable one. Visiting my Aunt Ana and Uncle Don's in the West End. The sisters decided to gather for a visit and the kids would go out "trick or treating" together...I specifically remember my cousin Jacks costume!! Aunt Ana made his a RAGS TO RICHES get up...The song was #1 that year and everyone sang it!!..On one side of the costume rags and patches and on the other side was gold, sparkling jewels, and play money and stuff attached...It was a great costume..We just had our regular home made gear..In those days, NOBODY bought costumes or bags...or any of that extra stuff. You got dressed, grabbed a pillow case or shopping bag and off you went!!...Anyway, we left early as soon as it got dark. We had huge bags and vowed we would stay out until they were full...We did!! It was late, and we were still trudging up one street and down another. Accepting treats when they would answer the door...Walking down lonely alley ways, my sister Carole, always ready for a disturbing scary story to frighten everyone, started sharing with us there was a man following us...She could see him in the street lights and he hid behind things...to sneak up on us!!..We all got scared..and huddled together...and walked faster...our bags were almost full and bulging at the seams with all kind of goodies, chocolate, caramel apples, popcorn balls and all kinds of great stuff!!!..As she continued to scare us with her spooky antics, the man figure she saw suddenly jumped out as us. He insisted my cousin, Jack, give him his bag!!..We were all scared silly and were taken by surprise! We couldn't believe my sisters scary warnings were coming to pass, let alone someone would actually steal candy bags...Jack began to submit his bag...and my sister, Carole, who was about 12 or 13 at this time...Yelled, "NO", you are not taking our candy!!..with that the big kid came over, grabbed her around the throat, threw her down on the bank at the side of the road...and grabbed her bag.!! She held on to that candy with dear life!! I could do nothing. I started yelling, "This is our house right here" and yelled for my mother!! "Mom, Mom"..I quickly ran to a house still lit up and had their outside light on....I think Carole carried something, a part of her costume...but whatever it was she was beating the kid over the head with all her might...and warning him loud and clear, He was not getting our candy that took us all night to collect...we were all screaming...finally Carole whacked him so much..and I don't remember if the people opened their door or we just scared him off...but I don't think he got our candy....We ran home, with our loot. Shaking and scared as we could be....We had a long and scary story to share with our parents when we finally returned home to Aunt Ana's house...This was one trick or treat night we worked hard for...and the candy tasted all the sweeter....One none of us would EVER forget!!

MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS GIFTS.

I especially remember days when I was young or being full and exciting! One in particularly was Christmas. It came with much much hoopla...It wasn't until after I really got to understand what Christmas was all about after I got saved at 19 years old. Until then, it mostly was a time like most everyone celebrates...gifts, entertaining, making cookies, and a time when people try to give good will to one another...only by what they have to give. Most people really take little time to understand the real meaning and our family was like all those others...Pomp and circumstances didn't really happen until Christmas Eve..Back then, nobody did anything until Christmas Eve, except for waiting in those long lines at the department store to visit Santa Clause to request your deepest desires... The store windows claimed beautiful moving scenes, full of snow and animated characters on sleighs and skis.. Elves and sparkling designs of trees, snowflakes, and snow scenes. . No decorations, no Christmas music, not anything having to do with Christmas until the day actually came!! My father would go out to buy a tree on that day, the day of Christmas Eve and hide it!!...Presents were very minimal and stockings always had an orange in the toe. Gifts were few and usually there were no more than one or two things under the tree for each person. But it seemed my parents went all out and bought us more...The most fun of all was when you went to bed early on Christmas Eve and then their work began, tree decorating, train set up, presents wrapped and put under the tree...When I woke up on Christmas morning it was like a dream come true!!! The tree sparkling with aluminum icicles, lights, bubble lights, and multi colored balls of shiny glass...Under the tree a small manger scene placed upon a platform of our black engine smoking train set!! Little houses, roads with cars, people and stores..all in miniature...What a wonderful sight!!... We all woke and came out to admire the transformation of the living room we once knew!! Now, smelling like pine and displaying some of the most beautiful items...sparkling and shining in this little room!!!...I can recall getting a huge stuffed little girl with elastic straps on the feet. These straps attached themselves to your feet and you danced with her...She was as big as I was. She had a blue polka dot dress and yellow yarn hair..with a matching hat..and painted face!!! Another gift I remember so well is a Mammy Yokum puppet...you worked her with strings attached to wooden slates that made her walk. She had hard ceramic shoes that made a clicking sound when she danced on top of the table..Red and white striped legs and she had a smoking pipe in her mouth.. Another one I remember so well is my furry white cat...it look like a real cat with real hair. It had green glass eyes, a pink nose and whiskers...I carried that cat everywhere and smelled the fur until it was almost bald...Don't ask me where all the other fur went, no doubt up my nose!!! Anyway, didn't seem to hurt me any!! Memories are wonderful, good ones...ones you store up in your mind and recall when you want to feel the comfort of good times...But, those memories are only memories we make...and hold on to for comfort...My Bible says, that Jesus is the Comforter!! and I know, there have been many times in my life when the only comfort I can find is the kind He provides me...anytime, anywhere!! He is mine, and I am His!!!

MY DISBELIEF IN SANTA CLAUSE

At about 5 years old, I suspected Santa Clause was not real!! Being as curious as I was I was anxious to find out. Everyone around me talked of Santa Clause and kept reminding me I had to be good, if I wanted a visit from him. He would bring me toys and things I wanted...But living among kids of all ages, mostly older, I was bombarded with comments about Santa and it seemed there was an underlying joke. I could here the false tone in their voices, like they were trying to make me believe something....that I was questioning. I imagine I did tell my Mom and Dad. I didn't believe in Santa Clause because all the other kids were lying to me. They were telling me something not true...My mother tried to ease my suspicions of the fleeting notion that Santa Clause just wasn't true..by reminding me he comes and brings gifts to only good little children. I continued to search out the truth. I asked everyone I knew. Had they seen him, how do they know he is even real!!..The older kids would laugh and joke with me...about not believing...and told me if I didn't believe I wouldn't get any presents. I have to confess it wasn't about the presents I cared about. It was the facts. Were all of these people were telling me the truth?...I wanted to know the truth and I hated people telling me stuff that wasn't real or true!! On Christmas Eve before dark. I remember we were just getting ready to sit down to supper...and I heard bells out side the door and loud yells of HO...HO..HO..My father looked at me and said, Oh, no who's that..I ran to the door and saw a huge man in a suit of red and trimmed in white fur...black boots, and covered in white beard, long hair and mustache. Yes, It was really him...Santa..Shocked and disbelieving, I hid behind my Dad while he answered the door, greeted Santa, and shook his white gloved hand!!..Santa bent down and asked me, in a deep loud voice, What do you want for Christmas??? Stunned I stammered something out of my mouth, who knows what, and as he bent down to be about my size..he open his sack and handed me a small gift. It was wrapped up in a bow. He informed me to put it under my bed and it would grow into something very special...As he left my mouth still hanging to the floor..I now believed in Santa Clause. I saw him with my own eyes...He even gave me a gift. A special gift right from his own hand and it was going to grow into something miraculous. I imagined in my mind...it would magically grown and turn into something spectacular as only Santa Clause can make happen!!!.... Bedtime came and I went to bed with expectancy in my heart!!..The next morning was Christmas. I jumped out of bed and the first thing I did was look under my bed for a something miraculous, something wonderful...the little package was still there. Still wrapped the way it was when I put it under there...?? This thing didn't even grow!! I was disappointed. I took it out and opened it... It was a candy bar!!...A CANDY BAR!! Can you imagine, I had these great dreams of something so spectacular growing under my bed, and it turns out to be a candy bar!!!...At this point I now know....even Santa Clause can't be trusted...He lied to me...and I was looking for something miraculous!! and I got a dumb candy bar!!!....I think that was the last year I believed in Santa Clause..One of my first lessons of deception!!.. and from Santa Clause of all people!! I know now, to trust my judgments. As bad as they are most times...but at least I have no one to blame for my ill decisions but myself...I do know this, the miraculous wonderment I was looking for in Santa, I found in Jesus...and He will fulfill all my expectations...and my dreams, because He said so!! and I believe Him...I won't be disappointed!! I won't!! I trust him and I believe what He says!!......BECAUSE HE LOVES ME!!!

CURIOSITY...SOMETHING INSIDE!!

I can say for sure, I am probably one of the most curious people I know. Even at the age of 64 I continually am wondering, searching or studying something...I don't think a day goes by that I haven't tried to learn something new. Life is so full of wondrous things and I usually learn something new anytime I really set my mind to finding something out!!!....Many times I paid the price for my curiosity..along with others in my life!!..You rarely go down that road alone! Once, I remember when I was about 5 years old. My father was changing his windshield wipers on his car and I wanted to hold the nut that held them on to the arm...I begged him to let me hold it, he conceded. I put it in my mouth and swallowed it. He went ballistic..I thought he would cut my stomach open to retrieve it..but no, my mother came to my rescue that day!!! I don't know what he did to put the windshield wiper back on?? Another time I was playing with two pennies and put them in my mouth..they had a very coppery taste and before you know it...Chomp, they went down together...my mother was frantic..we went to the emergency room, I had an x-ray to find there was only one penny showing up...My mother was sure, I had two pennies in my hand and we couldn't find the other one inside of me...She was positive I swallowed two...The doctor informed my mother what goes in, comes out...and it would be her responsibility to find out where the other penny had gone...for three days after that x-ray, my Mom had to dissect my stool with fine precision...Which I might add was not a happy moment for me...watching her!!...It turns out the pennies went through me as one...STUCK TOGETHER.. The inside of those pennies were as shiny as new and the outsides were gray and dull.. after being attacked by stomach acid...for a few days!!! Then one day, I was so curious. My mother would never let me see any babies getting their diaper changed...especially if they were boys!!!..She hid them from me.. I never was exposed to see what a boy looked like anatomically...Having two sisters and no brother, of course I was curious...why was my mother hiding it from me!! The more times it happened the more I wanted to know what there was I shouldn't see...Low and behold, I just took it upon myself to find out...I had a nickel my father had given me for doing something....and what better way to spend my money then to pay the little boy that lived in the trailer behind us...to see exactly what I wanted to see....So, I thought it only right to ask him if I could see him pee...I would pay him five cents...He willing agreed!!! I bent down and inspected his plumbing. I watched until every drop was out and then stayed to ask him questions about it!!!..My mother never knew about that, I was sure if she ever did she would never speak to me again. On top of being very disappointed in me!! So I hid it in my heart and never spoke of it again...until my sister, Carole, found out and used it as a weapon against me...She made me clean up her shoes, do her chores, and if I didn't she would count and when she got to 10 she was going to reveal my shameful secret...She tortured me with that until I was in ninth grade....holding that over my head..Finally, I got smart and said, Go ahead and tell Mom, I don't care...Guess what!! She never did and my guilt and torture was over!!! I never forgot the anger I felt against my sister for all those years of doing her work and her ordering me around to do what she wanted...I forgave her for her spirit of manipulation and control...and have ask forgiveness for feeling anger toward her...But you know what, "forgiving is one thing...but forgetting!!!.... I find a bit harder to do!!!"

REOCCURING BAD DREAMS

Can you recall a bad dream or nightmare you have dreamed over and over again....In my young life, about 6 or 7 years old. I began having a dream. It woke me up shaking and disturbed. I had this dream over and over again. I remember it because it made such an impact on me...looking back it was more of a warning than anything else. I would not have been able to understand this dream being so young. But, now I can understand the reasons behind it!!!...I can share this dream with you now however, I will not reveal the reasons behind it until later on in my blog world...The dream started the day of a wedding. The wedding was mine! Being only 6 or 7 years old it seemed to be a weird dream for a young girl...Anyway, dressed in a sparkling, white, shimmering wedding gown. I was all grown up and had a wonderful man waiting at the altar for me. He was the man I loved and was going to be the man I would spend my life with. The veil sparkling with sequins and shiny lace covered my face. In my dream, I looked like a princess. It was a wonderful day, a day I waited for and was so happy...As I walked toward my waiting husband the music played. The other people in the wedding party had already gone down the aisle. The flower girl dropped red rose petals on the aisle and the music, played louder and louder. Everyone turned to watch me in my beautiful dress come down the aisle toward my waiting wedding party....As I came down slowly, stepping with the music playing, I noticed out of the side of my eye, a person dressed all in black. A mean face with a witch like look. Now, half way down the aisle this person jumped out and grabbed me. She laughed a horrid laugh and dragged me out of the back of the church. Through the door! Everyone just stood and watched!!..I screamed, and screamed again and again..HELP ME!! NO, NO, NO, SOMEBODY HELP ME....She was dragging me away from my most happy day, my wedding day!!...As I screamed and squirmed to try to get away, My screams made it through my bedroom and into the quiet night air. Twisting and turning and screaming HELP ME...HELP ME!! My mother came in and said, "Lois, what is wrong?" "You are having a bad dream.." I was sweating, crying, and so afraid that it was true...but after waking, I found it was just that a bad dream...Rolling over and going back to sleep..the nightmare was over. FOR TONIGHT!! However, this dream would play over and over in the stillness of many nights ahead!!..There are only about three dreams, total, I can recall ..and I can still remember. Dreams.. that are burned into your minds eye to remember the rest of your life!!.........We all can recall such dreams...But, this dream was different, this dream was a warning. A warning, I didn't heed!!! Looking back, had I been able to understand this dream and heed it's warning, my life would have taken on a different turn..But, this life is the life I chose. Choices in life are the things that determine our future!!!...Good and Bad, but God is still on the throne and hears and answers prayer. When the choices we choose have proven to be disasterous!! When we could have depended on God to lead us in our choices and prayed for His guidance in everything we do!! Today as well as into tomorrow. We would know, without a shadow of a doubt..We are in God's will for our life and if we just step back and depend on Him to help us make the right choices...Life would have NO REGRETS!!

A LITTLE START TO AN EXPLOSIVE FINISH

My two aunts were both Sunday School teachers....at the Methodist Church in the West End. I remember sitting in the little chairs singing "This little light of mine"..."I got the peace of passive understanding...down in my heart", "Jesus Loves Me".. and other songs. As a child you sing and really don't realize what exactly your singing. You sing as loud as you can and clap and enjoy the excitement of sharing that moment with the room full of kids like you. Then after a little good life story. We went to our individual classes, according to our ages and sat down at little wooden tables on little tiny chairs separated by folding screens. We heard a Bible Story...colored a take home paper. The teacher prayed over us and we then were dismissed to go up to "Big Church". This was the ritual of every Sunday morning. I still can remember the little stairs that we walked to go up into the sanctuary..The sanctuary was big, and had beautiful, tall thin stain glassed windows, each one depicting Jesus in a Bible situation...I particularly remember the one with Jesus carrying a lamb...all in bright colored glass.On days that the sun would shine through them, it was so beautiful and brightly spectacular. The antique looking chairs covered in a wine red material sat and dark mahogany arms made for a revered look to be treasured. There was a huge pipe organ when played it seemed to vibrated the chairs. The large golden pipes (that I now assume were brass and looked gold)... spread across the back of the pulpit. The music that came from these pipes was rich and deep ....It was beautiful music. I don't remember if my parents took me to the West End Church or I stayed over at my aunts and went with them...But, I do know, I went every Sunday. I went and sat down at those little wooden tables...enjoying the experience. After church we would walk up these steps to my Aunt Ana's house...steep concrete steps that had a landing in between a series of 13 or so steps. I remember counting them as we ascending to the top of the hill. The went on forever, finally we arrived. Aunt Ana's house was literally hanging off the hill side. On a steep cliff, more or less. Her kitchen was in the basement that went out onto a porch that overlooked a portion of the city of Pittsburgh's West End. She had a glider and a few chairs and if you looked down over the railing...it dropped about 50 ft or more...It was awesome, a little scary, but awesome. This was the same yellow basement kitchen fifteen or so years later I would receive the fullest of what God had for me spiritually. This was the place that the fire of God came to me and baptized me with his Holy Spirit. A special place, a wonderful time. A Holy time for me...My aunts and Mother praying for me and laying hands on me. That February of 1968...I supernaturally received the baptism and we all prayed and worshiped God and spoke in tongues!! A day in my aunts basement kitchen I will never forget...and it all started in the West End Methodist Church...

MY NAME SAKE

Some people are name after movie stars or sports figures. Some named after celebrities someone in the family knew or admired..I was named after my great Aunt Jane...She actually was my mothers aunt on my grandfathers side. I believe she was his sister...When she got married her name changed to Jane Bolte. I have no idea why my mother named me after her nor did I ever ask her why...I do remember her always reminding me I was named after my Aunt Jane...an honor I imagine. However, my Aunt Jane didn't really appears to be anyone special in my life, we rarely visited her...and I never spent any time with her!! My middle name is Jane. I have a second cousin named Janet...we both were named after the infamous Aunt Jane. For no reason we know!!! As years go one people come and go. Sometime during those years Aunt Jane must have been a very impressive person for our mothers to name us after her...I have absolutely no clue what she did to attract everyone's attention. Maybe she had lots of money...or won the lottery back in the 40's..Who knows!! As time goes now, I will never know. I do know that this, once she made a monkey doll out of a pair of work socks for me, I kept it for years because Aunt Jane made it!!...it had a diamond like tail and a little red hat on...It looked like one of those monkeys gypsy's put on their shoulders while playing the organ...called an organ grinder...There used to be plenty of organ grinders around, but seems they have all been disband...No union, I would imagine..or didn't have a permit!! For whatever reason, they are a thing of the past...along with my Aunt Jane!!!...Things come and things go...styles, situations, loved ones, everything is in our lives for a season and then we must be ready for them to go...and we move on!!! Nothing last forever...Nothing stays the same and a person is blessed who can let go of the past, and relish the wisdom of today.... For what you know you will need today and for the future...If it wasn't for what we have been through, we wouldn't know anything about were we are going!! It is all a learning trip...and when it is finished...we all need to be ready to move on to our after life with the one who made us... and that includes my Aunt Jane...

LIFE FLIES BY SO FAST....WE MISS IT!!

When I was very small, about the time of my first memories. Besides the ones I have already shared with ...I remember my first little friends...The family was from Alabama. My friends were twins. Looking back now, I would imagine that their Dad, Louie had been transferred to Pittsburgh. For whatever reason, they were living in the trailer park for a short time...They lived across the street from us and the girls names were Danna Sue and Donna Lu...quite southern names...Their mother, Ollie Mae, spoke with a very strong southern drawl...I remember wondering why she didn't talk like everyone else!!! I would go over to visit and we would play or just look at each other...They were my first friends of my life...they were at least my size...Our families did thing together and we had a very good relationship...Looking back now, I know these people were Christians...while everyone else in the trailer park was drinking, smoking and playing cards plus I think there was alot of husbands being unfaithful...these people never joined in...They never said they wouldn't it just seemed they didn't....nobody probably thought anything about it...Now, looking back after a visit to Alabama much later in life after I was married and had kids of my own. .I recall some of the things they did and the places we went... Ron and I took the kids, and my parents for a little trip to visit them...We drove to the little town they lived in...the kids rode their horses, they made us a real southern breakfast, with biscuits and sausage gravy..eggs,.grits...the works...all served at 6:00 am...We visited a beautiful little chapel...and we got our pictures taken at the altar...I have that picture somewhere...but right now, I will introduce you to Donna Lu and Dana Sue...We had a wonderful time...we also discovered that they were Christians...as we suspected all along. They were happy to find out we came to know Christ too. God brings people into our lives, we call them friends. ...He puts people in front of us to keep, to treasure and to share good and bad with...Good friends support you, they let you tell them your woes, and don't judge you for your mistakes...I am so happy, God allows us to make friends with others and he actually places people into our lives to make this connection..That way we can share his love with them...It is an amazing thing God does...it is up to us to continue not to let them die, through neglect...So if you have a friend, and you haven't seen them for awhile...give them a holler'...that's the way they say it in Alabama!!!

ALMOST GONE IN A FUNNEL CLOUD

The trailer park I lived in seemed bigger when I was little...I have been back since I've grown up...and amazingly it looks like it shrunk. It is much different than I remember it however, I think it still exsists to this day and people still live there!!!..We had lots of kids in the park and in the summer we would play outside until it got so dark we couldn't see...Release was our game and we played it every night!!!...Picked two teams...One went and hid anywhere in the park, the other team hunted them down..tag them and took them to the designated jail (which was the concrete sidewalk in front of the new wash house)...When someone on the hiding team...could sneak up and put a foot inside the jail...yelling "RELEASE" and everyone in jail could run...It took just one brave one to sneak up and not get caught to release his tagged team members...We always played in a group..One afternoon, the weather looked strange..the kids used to gather at the wash house. There was a Cocoa Cola Machine outside on the side of the building. You needed only a dime to catch a cold one...out of the shoot. Put you dime in ...and out came a dripping cold light green bottle of coke!!! On those hot summer days...yum....one could only imagine how refreshing it was...a wonderful treat for everyone!! The sky turned a yellow color and the wind began to blow...we spun around in the wind for awhile..enjoying the wind pushing us around and the now cool breeze it brought with it..The sun disappeared and the clouds thickened. Immediately the wind started to howl and we saw things flying around..suddenly an awning fell on top of a car roof...and chairs and lawn decorations were flying out into the streets...My sister, Carole, yelled for me, and we started for home...Scared and watching for the flying debris we ran down the street toward our trailer...we only had to get to one more street and turn left then run past about 6 more trailers and we would be safely home...Instead, a loud noise, louder than any airplane overhead...so loud my screams for safety couldn't be heard...I yelled louder and louder...the swirling dust and wind picked me up from the ground..and I was at the winds mercy...I was being swept away...and I had no control...of my legs...I was lifted up and being carried with the wind. My sister saw me continuing down the road with the cloud swirling around me...she ran and grabbed me by the arm and yanked me down to the ground and we quickly turned down the road toward our trailer!!!...She saved my life, I was going to be swept away by a tornado. We found out later that day how mcuh damage it did...it went right down the road ripping off roofs, and smashing awnings...I remember the power it had..I remember the power I lacked...It made a very big impression on me...and I know what real power is...and I also know to respect it. I experienced a little taste of that kind of power that will come when Jesus himself descends and we are raised up with him on that day when the trump sounds!!!

FROM WHENCE I CAME

My mother Loretta and my father George met on their street in the West End. Chartiers Avenue, I believe. My mother had a fun loving family. Pap Pap played the drums and they had friends that played instruments. They all would get together and play music at my Maw and Pap Pap's house. With the three sisters living in the house, there was never a dull moment...lots of action, noise and music...They had a man living with them, for whatever reason!! Whether he was homeless, or a friend of my grandfathers, I don't know...His name was Johnny Lapey. My mother seemed to think he was like a helper and helped to do chores around the house. Especially when my grandfather got sick, Johnny lived out back in a little shed like room. My Pap died of a heart attack right before I was born, January 1946. but before that the house rocked with excitment...They had an ice man, a vegtable/fruit huckster,and a baker all came around and sold goods... plus lots of friends and family. They pulled taffy, and sang songs around the piano until 11:00 and that is when my Pap Pap would come out and wind the clock...This was the sign that anyone who didn't not live there was to depart!!!...Next door to my mother lived my father and his family. One sister, named Alice and a very quiet and calm household. When my father was a bit of a boy, around six, he told me how his father, a coal miner, named Brooks Curry came home every night and beat him with a slipper or belt...He never did anything to be beaten, but his father used to tell him it was for thinking of doing something bad..My father HATED his father...He said, could have killed him, there never was any love!! Looking back to what I was told, I believe both my grandmother and grandfather...were drinkers!! Anyway, my father was enthrolled about the excitement next door and all the action and fun he saw. He watched for my mother to walk past his porch and then he used to "wolf whistle" at her...She was apolled and thought he was queer. He wore riding pants..and had a mustache..My mom went to Langley High School until the 11th grade...then quit. My father was the valadictorian of Oliver and the president of the senior class, so not much more needed to be said about him!! Eventually, after long evenings of music, and waving good night from the bedroom windows, they fell in love and got married..on June 23, 1936. It was my Dad's birthday..and their wedding day. With just a small ceremony in the preachers study and a little dinner shared among the families they now begin a new...a new life, a next generation..My generation!!

MY MOTHERS FAMILY

My mothers family was closer to us than my Dad's...We went to my Aunt Diddie's or my Aunt Ana's house every Sunday for dinner. We spent the day with them and returned home to get ready for the next weeks school and work. My mother had two sisters and no brothers, both married and both only with one child. My Aunt Diddie had a set of twins she lost at birth. My cousin, Jeri, was no doubt my closest cousin. She was a few years my senior. My Aunt Ana had a son, his name was John. She miscarried a boy early in a pregnancy after him. He was named after my grandfather, John Simpson, but we all call him Jack. We were a very small family, as families go. Every holiday was spent together..and we had so many wonderful gatherings..and swell times!!!...My uncles drank alot, one could say they were acoholics...most of my life, I don't really think they were sober any of the time....After work they stopped at the club and had a few and then the weekends were always...spent in the bottle!! My aunts were the real anchors of the families. Looking back now, I imagine their lives were very sad. They really never took many vacations, they just survived as most families did back in the 40's and 50's....Family was everything, they helped one another. They supported one another...When anyone was in need someone in the family stepped in...My family was very close, I can see now ...I never remember any arguments about anything, or anybody. My grandmother, we called Maw..was most memorable...She was such a joy, she was a little short stout women with a gigantic laugh...Whe she laughed outloud, you could hear it from the corners of the room...She enjoyed life. She wore a corset that tied her in and when I hugged her she was very hard...I remember the nights I stayed over, Maw lived with my Aunt Diddie. Even on nights I didn't stay over, I would ask my Aunt Diddie, if I could get a bath in her bathtub...Living in a trailer park, with no bathroom...made this a real special treat for me...I spend hours soaking until my fingers were wrinkled..singing and enjoying the wonderful feeling of a tub bath. Maw had a bedroom with a double bed. She had a picture of a night sky and a howling wolf ...on her wall. I think about how strange that was, now..But anyway, she had long, white, thin hair. She would brush it every night. It reached down to the middle of her back...and every night she would put one long pigtail down the side and crawl into bed..in the morning she brushed it out and wound it into a long twist and wound it around into a sort of bun...stuck pins in it ...and she was ready to meet the day. She had a clock that glowed in the dark..and ticked very loudly. She called it Big Ben...She was sweet and kind, I never remember her hugging me or telling me she loved me...It was just a known fact that she did, I guess!! We were Irish-English, and from what I understand the English are not a very warm or loving bunch!! But if love was measured in things...other than hugs and kisses...we had alot of it around!!! I loved my Maw..she was so much fun!! She made even the hardest tasks fun!!..Her heart held all that a heart could hold...and I miss her even now. When she was up in years...we had to put her in Torrence State Hospital..she became mentally very unstable..but her humor never escaped her...One day we all went to visit her and and I asked her..."Maw, do you know who I am?" and she answered, "Well if you don't know who you are, how do you expect me to...!!!" Enough said, she was MY MAW!! I pray that God would love her the way I did, and would accept her, for He alone knew what was in her heart!!!

MY SWEET GRAND MAW DAVIS

When I was small...my family didn’t know the Lord, as a matter of fact some of my fathers family were pretty much heavy drinkers...I was raised to think that was the way life was...My parents visited my Uncle Al and my fathers sister, Aunt Alice usually every weekend night, Friday or Saturday nights..They sat around the dining room table playing poker. I remember, my mother drank Slo-gin. I remember that because it was red!! And I thought "How strange it was to drink something so red". My father drank beer and sometimes whiskey with it...They were so loud laughing and yelling. They played poker, smoked cigarettes and drinking and eating into the wee hours of the morning...I remember falling asleep many nights on the couch..the room filled with smoke and the sounds of the card playing...and laughing. Back then is seemed so right...My sweet grandmother, Grandma Davis lived there and she would just stay in her room and not join in. I wonder now about my quiet little Grandma...what was she thinking. I wish I would have sat down and talked to her about her life, when she was young, and the things that she held so close to her heart...But, I was a child and the life I had was not interested in old people...I really don’t remember thinking anything much about my Grandma’s...Both of my grandfathers were dead, and I only heard stories of the things they lived through...But, my Grandmothers were both alive. My fathers mother, Bessie...Her real name was Rebecca, but everyone called her Bessie...My mothers mother, everyone called her Murt...her real name was Murtle...They both died while I was in my teen age years...and I never got to know them the way I should have and the way I would have like to. I never remember either of them being unkind, or truly loving. I just remember, them in person in all their glory..Grandma Davis darned holes in socks, she sewed with a big wooden egg she stuck in the heel and with thick thread, she wove in and out until the sock had a big thick knot like bump... She also used a curling iron...to curl her few hairs that crowned her head...She would stick into the flames of the cooking stove...get the iron hot and then sear her hair...to a curl..The smell was awful...but it made her feel prettier...and she would curl her hair often. She never said, much, smiled and nodded, but I knew she loved me..somehow. But, she never showed it...I don’t remember any hugs, or kisses, nor do I remember anyone expressing with words they loved me!!! I really never missed it because I never had it....knowing that my family never knew the true love of God, nor did they ever experience anything more than repetition of worship in the Methodist Church, they never attended!! I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit saw to it, to find me through a family that never wanted or cared about his grace...I will never be able to praise MY LORD enough, to see to it...that I didn’t go down the same path as my ancestors. As much as I pray for them now and remember them and the wonderful ways, their time is up for salvation, they chose a different path!!! THANK YOU JESUS FOR CHOOSING ME!!

WE ARE ALL THE SAME...DO YOU BELIEVE THAT??

The weather changing and fall approaching...the days grow crisp and the nights colder. When you have lived in Pennsylvania all your life, it is hard to believe people in other parts of the world are in completely different climates and circumstances..We are used to the changing leaves, however, many people have never seen a colored leaf or a snowflake..We tend to forget how many people share this world...we live in. We think we are alone in the space that God put us. Until we reach out to other people, places and things we do not realize the difference first hand. All the way through my school years I never knew anyone but people just like me. Until fifth grade, I don’t believe I ever noticed the color of peoples skin...I don’t think most children do...Children are so wonderful...They accept you as you are! You don’t need to perform in anyway, they trust everyone, they believe everyone and they are willing to try to fit into any situation. The real amazing thing, is children are loving, kind, and truthfully honest. Until someone teaches them otherwise!!! Perhaps there were no people in my world that had a different color of skin, or perhaps I just didn’t care. But, I don’t remember seeing anyone different than me!! Most everything in my world was just as I saw it...I had no reason to question anything that didn’t exist in my life!!!...That is until the day, I went to church camp in Erie...I will tell you about that later... This day, a man in a white, long robe, something like a sheet. It wrapped around his body and up on one shoulder. He wore a white turban on his head and he wore strange sandals on his feet. His skin was very dark brown with a reddish tone on it... I had never seen another human being that looked like this. I was completely stunned and very curious about who and what he was....Turned out, he was a missionary from India...and had come to our church camp to teach us..something, or just share his life with us...I never, ever saw anyone dressed like this, nor did I ever figure out exactly what he was doing there, or what he had to say..but being a child I just accepted it and did what I had to do without question...Looking back now, I search my heart and remember the feelings I had toward this man...How different I felt about him...Now I realize we are what’s inside of our skin. The person, that God made abides within....somewhere in our heart...It doesn’t matter, what color we are, or what we wear, or even what we say!!! What really matters is what is inside, like a peach...or plum...Once the fruit is eaten or rotted away, what is left, is the seed inside!! That is the most important part of the fruit...with out the seed inside, the fruit can’t be anything....With the seed inside, it turns into another fruit just like the one that was there in the first place...The skin, doesn’t matter, the fruit inside...is good but, the part that really matters "is the seed." God has done that for us to understand, how we should look at our brothers and sisters in this world...A world where everyone should be the same...and the seed is the part that is the most important !!!!

DANCING DAYS

When I was four, I started to take dancing lessons...I don’t know why my mother thought I would be interested in dancing...Maybe she saw something in me. I love music. I love to dance. Maybe it came from dancing school. Maybe one is born with the rhythm it takes to dance, sing, and love music. Either way, I started taking ballet, tap and acrobat. I could do back bends with ease. Chest rolls and back flips...Acrobatics just seemed easy for me...I could bend every which way...Tap shoes brought clapping and rhythm into my life...and soon, I was tapping all over the place...Next came little pink toe shoes stuffed with lambs wool. I still have my little pink toe shoes and a little tu tu...that I worn when I was 4. My teacher Miss Vera Leaubea had her studio somewhere in down town Pittsburgh. I remember her loveliness. I continued dancing...year after year. One year I rode the float at Kennywood Park and threw peanut butter kisses out to the crowd as we motored along on a Saturday afternoon through the crowd...Miss Vera made arrangements for me to dance on the Boardwalk of Atlantic City. We couldn’t go because my Mom was due to have my sister Georgetta. My mother named her Georgetta because hopes of having a son were gone, and my fathers name was George and my Moms was Loretta...thus Georgetta. It seemed there was nothing good that came from this baby!! Jealously reared it’s ugly head!!! What I didn’t realize is that she would really become my best friend. The person I can confide in, and one who is there for me!!! I love her!!! I remember one weekend, for whatever reason, I was to dance at a Jewish luncheon in Mt. Lebanon. I was very excited and nervous all at the same time...I was probably about 4 or 5 and when the music started..I began to dance..I danced and remember my routine...until all of a sudden stage fright took me over...I stopped, frozen in fear...standing and looking out over the people looking back at me...I exited the stage, never to return...I felt failure and disappointment not only in myself, but I felt it from those around me...I continued to dance even after we moved to the country. I danced until I was a freshman at Mars High School...but I never remember having experienced such a devastating embarrassment as I did that day of that Jewish luncheon....I never forgot!!!...So many times in my life, disappointment has played a major role and embarrassment as well...but I know one thing for sure!!! It all passes, and life goes on!!! Jesus comforts and holds us to make it all right..Perfection isn’t ours!! It is HIS!!!